Ahh..the wisdom of Master Yoda. He was always one to blurt out some great, deep rooted, and insightful words of common sense. Sometimes, in adoption, we tend to forget that common sense. We say things without thinking, we do things without thinking, we put ourselves in situations without thinking, you get the point, right? I think the biggest cause is being distracted. You know, we are wise, experienced, well read on all things adoption (insert sarcasm meter here) so, we shouldn't make these mistakes. The point is we can all find things to occupy our time and minds, but is it the right stuff?
I have done all of the above and them some. It is very easy to forget what we learn in pre-adoption education regarding our children's past, forget that certain words can trigger strong emotional response, or forget that eventually normal is the cure for the honeymoon period after coming home. It so easy to fall into a routine and not be mindful of what is going on around you. Maybe we say the wrong thing, or react badly when someone disobeys, or even worse we are just too busy to pay attention when they need us.
Have you overreacted when a child lies? I have. The lying is hard to deal with, but I will never know what it is like to try and make someone like me so I can stay. That does not excuse the behavior, just something to think about.
Has someone ask why they were available for adoption and then you answered? In front of said child/children? We shouldn't make them re-live past experiences in public.
Raise your hand if you have had to just check your email or Facebook will quick while your child is asking for your attention (did anyone raise their hands??). I'll wait.....
Seriously we all do these little things that were habits BEFORE we brought our children home, but it is time to break the habit. I am as guilty, if not more than most. I know that I need to be more mindful and starting today I will be more aware of what is going on around me. Let's consider some things to mindful of:
Be mindful....that your child is craving attention that he or she has never had until now.
Be mindful....that they will miss parts of their former life, friends, siblings, food, their birth country/place.
Be mindful...that your child's past is THEIR past, don't tell everyone about it. It could affect how they trust you.
Be mindful....that EVERY child is a masterpiece.
Be mindful....that every minute spent holding your child will NOT fix them, but will start a new normal for how their life will be.
Be mindful....that there will be very difficult times. I'm sorry but it is the truth.
Be mindful....that there will be lots of very super awesome spectacular fun times. I promise it is the truth.
Be mindful....that there is no such thing as wasted time when it is time spent with your kids
I realize most of us already know these things. We also know to brush our teeth twice a day but we don't all do it ;) Be mindful today and May the Force Be With You (man I love Star Wars!!!)
Until next time....
David
