Sunday, September 21, 2014
I wanted to share a recent picture we took at one of our local parks. The kids are doing well and everyday we seem to discover a little something new, sometimes good and other times bad. It's all a part of the adventure.
A few posts back I shared a frustrating situation where someone thought we needed to stop having kids because we already had too many. I shared it because I hope as families move through their own processes they can learn from ours and other families experiences so they can be prepared and handle it better than I did.
What I would like to share today is a comment we heard at least five or six times at the beginning of our adventure. I am not going to hold back on this, I think its one of the dumbest things anyone can say. It shows how people just speak without thinking at times. The phrase I am referencing is: "I could never love anything that was not my own". Here is what I want to ask, "Are you married to your brother or sister?" Because unless you are, than you do love "someone" that is not of your own flesh and blood. Let that phrase sit with you for a moment. How did you learn to love your significant other? You spent time talking with them, getting to know them, thinking of them, laughing with them, crying with them, etc. Well guess what Mr. or Mrs. Insensitive???? that is exactly how you learn to love a child who is adopted. It is not an instant bond for all (I do believe it is for some, but not all), there are struggles and frustrations that exist within the same relationship you have with biological children. I can honestly say that i laugh and get frustrated equally with all my children :)
I realize adoption is not for everyone, but to set up these barriers is to be intolerant of the need to care for these children. If you do not want to adopt just be honest. Don't make excuses, especially ones that aren't true, because you never know who is listening (like an adopted child!!) My other concern for this is raising another generation to be close minded about the gift of adoption. I would never want anyone to be taught it is a lesser form of growing or establishing a family. I have to go, I need the soap box to reach a high shelf ;)
Until next time.....
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Early in our adoption process one of the best pieces of advice we received was to connect with other families who had been through the adoption process. We reached out to these families for their wisdom and their experiences, advice, struggles and triumphs helped prepare us for our journey to Poland and then for the time after we arrived home.
Now that we are home, Kim and I feel that we owe it to those who come after us the same time and willingness to help as those families who were willing to be there for us. Let's be honest, only other adoptive families will have a clue of what challenges you are going to face, the loneliness that sets in as you wait for updates or lulls in the process, the difficulties in raising funds, and the patience needed to see this process to completion.
Social networking like blogs, Facebook, message boards and Twitter can help families stay connected and to help ease the feeling of being alone. Our agency, for example, has Facebook groups for each of their country programs. These groups are a great way of staying in touch with families who are on the same journey. They also allow us to encourage, pray and celebrate with each other. Networking like this allows us to make and develop relationships that will last a lifetime. These are the people that will be there for you when you need that shoulder to cry on or when you are celebrating that one piece of paper getting apostilled that everyone else thinks is no big deal.
We encourage all families who are getting started to reach out to others who have walked this path of adoption. It's also important that those of us who have been through it do not forget to pay it forward!
Until next time.....