Update and stuff....

I wanted to share a recent picture we took at one of our local parks.  The kids are doing well and everyday we seem to discover a little something new, sometimes good and other times bad.  It's all a part of the adventure.

A few posts back I shared a frustrating situation where someone thought we needed to stop having kids because we already had too many.  I shared it because I hope as families move through their own processes they can learn from ours and other families experiences so they can be prepared and handle it better than I did.

What I would like to share today is a comment we heard at least five or six times at the beginning of our adventure.  I am not going to hold back on this, I think its one of the dumbest things anyone can say.  It shows how people just speak without thinking at times.  The phrase I am referencing is:  "I could never love anything that was not my own".  Here is what I want to ask, "Are you married to your brother or sister?"  Because unless you are, than you do love "someone" that is not of your own flesh and blood.  Let that phrase sit with you for a moment.  How did you learn to love your significant other?  You spent time talking with them, getting to know them, thinking of them, laughing with them, crying with them, etc.  Well guess what Mr. or Mrs. Insensitive???? that is exactly how you learn to love a child who is adopted.  It is not an instant bond for all (I do believe it is for some, but not all), there are struggles and frustrations that exist within the same relationship you have with biological children.  I can honestly say that i laugh and get frustrated equally with all my children :)

I realize adoption is not for everyone, but to set up these barriers is to be intolerant of the need to care for these children.  If you do not want to adopt just be honest.  Don't make excuses, especially ones that aren't true, because you never know who is listening (like an adopted child!!)  My other concern for this is raising another generation to be close minded about the gift of adoption.  I would never want anyone to be taught it is a lesser form of growing or establishing a family.  I have to go, I need the soap box to reach a high shelf ;)

Until next time.....

Adoption Networking

Early in our adoption process one of the best pieces of advice we received was to connect with other families who had been through the adoption process.  We reached out to these families for their wisdom and their experiences, advice, struggles and triumphs helped prepare us for our journey to Poland and then for the time after we arrived home.

Now that we are home, Kim and I feel that we owe it to those who come after us the same time and willingness to help as those families who were willing to be there for us.  Let's be honest, only other adoptive families will have a clue of what challenges you are going to face, the loneliness that sets in as you wait for updates or lulls in the process, the difficulties in raising funds, and the patience needed to see this process to completion.

Social networking like blogs, Facebook, message boards and Twitter can help families stay connected  and to help ease the feeling of being alone.  Our agency, for example, has Facebook groups for each of their country programs.  These groups are a great way of staying in touch with families who are on the same journey.  They also allow us to encourage, pray and celebrate with each other.  Networking like this allows us to make and develop relationships that will last a lifetime.  These are the people that will be there for you when you need that shoulder to cry on or when you are celebrating that one piece of paper getting apostilled that everyone else thinks is no big deal.

We encourage all families who are getting started to reach out to others who have walked this path of adoption.  It's also important that those of us who have been through it do not forget to pay it forward!

Until next time.....

Why and When???

We have been a family of eight for over three months now.  I make that statement because it has taken awhile for it to set in terms of how we describe our family.  We think of it as a gift, something that is perfectly natural and can't be that uncommon, right??  Both of my parents were from large families, we have several friends who have four or more children, my wife is one of seven, and I work with people who are from large families and have more than three kids.

Then why is it people are shocked and say inappropriate things when they learn we have six kids??  Is it because there is some type of negative stereotype of large families that is being portrayed in schools or the media?  I bring this up because of an incident that occurred recently.  One night I stopped into a McDonald's to pick up dinner.  I know its not the healthiest of choices, but we needed something and it was getting late.  I ordered six happy meals and when I got to the pick up window the young woman asked me if I had a lot of kids.  I told her yes and what she replied back not only made me upset, but confused me as to why people think they have the right to say whatever is on their mind without thinking of the person they are directing their comment to.  She said to me "You need to stop having babies!  That's too many".  I did not say the first thing that came to my mind (Thank you again Lord), although I do wonder how she would have reacted.  I replied "We do not think its too many, why does it bother you?"  She smiled and went to get the rest of the order.  I was sitting there wondering if she was going to say something else, and to be honest I was feeling myself getting angry and feeling the need to defend our family and others like ours who work hard, raise our children to be responsible and caring people and ask who she was to judge.  She gave me the rest of my order and said "I was just kidding".  I told her I didn't find it funny and pulled away and came home.

That incident happened a few weeks ago and it has still been on my mind.  I am not looking for any pats on the back because we have a large family.  We do not introduce ourselves as the Nicely 8! (although theme music when we walk into the store would be nice!!).  This occurrence really brings to mind other incidents, mostly on social media, where people think they can just express an opinion (when they are not asked directly) to someone without giving thought to other's feelings.  We are not looking for sympathy here, not one bit.  We knowingly and willingly increased the size of our family.

I wonder what my children would have thought had they been with me.  Would it have caused them to feel like freaks? ashamed to be in a large family? like people would be staring at them?  These are the effects when people make ignorant comments or ask inappropriate questions.  I'm an adult I can deal with it, but my kids are different.  No one has the right to make them feel like being in a large family is not natural or that they should be ashamed because of it.

I'll get off my soap box now.  I want this blog to focus on the real life adventures, joys, struggles, triumphs, and challenges that come with the adoption journey.

Until next time....

Update

Hello everyone!  It has been almost a month since our last update.  The kids are all doing pretty well. We have had all of our doctor and dentist appointments since coming home and they were all very brave and were well behaved for those visits.  The children are starting to get more comfortable here at home and are settling in with how our days go.  We try to keep unplanned events and surprises to a minimum to lessen the anxiety of being in a new place.  We have only been to one big gathering, but there were different activities so the children did not feel overwhelmed with it all.

Kate and Olivia are adjusting to the changes.  They have discovered that dad was telling the truth when I told them boys are different than girls.  I think they are starting to adjust the individual personalities of the children rather than just looking at them as a group of four.  Looking at them that way was kind of how we had to when they were still in Poland before we met.

We will start home school soon, Kim has signed up all the kids for various activities through our home school co-op and they are looking forward to the new adventures.  We did take a little trip up to the Lego store here in Indy and all the kids enjoyed it, but Simon turned to me and with the biggest grin and eyes full of excitement just said "Thank You!".  we spent a lot of time looking at all the different sets and dreaming of which ones we would like to build.

A family in our area is also in the process of adopting a sibling group of four from Poland!  We are so very excited for them and look forward to meeting their kids.  If you would like to follow their journey, here is a link to their blog:  http://bringingthemhome.net

Until next time!

Life as a family of eight...

Things are a little more crowded, there are more hugs, a little more noise, more smiles, there is more laundry, there is definitely more laughter!

These are some of the changes we have experienced in the weeks since we have been home.  It has been a transition, but everyday gets a little bit easier as we settle into a daily routine.  Bedtime goes pretty smoothly, the kids know what they have to do and like the sense of security a routine brings.  Most of the "hard" stuff revolves around normal kid stuff.  Someone took my toy, he is bugging me, she won't listen.  Just your regular family with three nine year olds, one eight, one seven and one four.

We loved our time in Poland, but to be honest it was hard at times.  Especially when I had to come back home and Kim and the kids stayed behind.  We encountered so many wonderful, generous and caring Polish angels.  We were truly blessed with a number of people that we know God had cross our paths.  Poland has a wealth of history and her people are proud of their heritage.  It shows in their cities, churches and parks.  We hope someday to travel back when the children are older so that they can maintain the connection to their birth country.

The children are getting used to their surroundings now.  All of them have been to our awesome local library here in Plainfield.  A few have been to the grocery store, two have had haircuts, and they all love playing in the backyard.  We have been able to get everyone to church with no issues and even though it was in English the structure of the Mass was something the older kids remember from the ones they went to in Poland.

Summer seems to be flying by with this wonderful weather.  We hope to post more updates soon!

Until next time...

We are H O M E !!!!!!

It has been an amazing and long six weeks.  What a wonderful feeling it was to step back on familiar soil.  We want to thank everybody who has helped us along the way, none of this would have been possible without your help and prayers!  We owe a special debt of gratitude to our dear friends Chris and Mandy for opening their home to us in Warsaw.  We will never forget their generosity and everyone would be blessed to have friends like them.

We would like to thank everyone who came to the airport.  Kim's parents came a few days early and helped with some projects around the house.  We feel really blessed to have friends like the Sieferman family, the Havenor family, the Wornica family and the Burgess family.  It was great for the kids to see that there are alot of people who care for and love them.  Thank you to the Murray family for the wonderful balloons waiting for us as we pulled into our driveway for the first time as a family of eight!!

We would also like to thank Kim's sister Sandy who was in Poland for the last couple of weeks to help Kim with the kids. 

We will post more about our time in Poland soon.  We just wanted to let everyone know that we are all home and starting to groove into our new normal.

Until next time....

"8"

8.......A nice even number.  On Thursday at 12:03pm Poland time we "officially" became a family of eight!  The last few weeks have been amazing.  The children are beautiful, smart, funny and long for the security and love that a family can provide. 

We will receive the finalized decree in early June, so until then we won't post any family pictures. 

Poland is a beautiful country with a great mix of old world Europe and pristine countryside.  The people are very nice and helpful.  We have made some great friendships and will cherish our time and experiences for the rest of our lives.

Sorry to keep this update short.  Until next time....